Informing a child about a death (from The Sharing Place)...
When you are bereaved...
When children grieve...
Signs that more help is needed...
Way to provide support to a grieving loved one...
Activities for children and young people...
Recommended Resources
- Keep it simple. Use “died”, not “He is sleeping.” (I.e.: “Colin, there was an accident at work today. Daddy was working on the 5th floor when a guardrail broke and he fell down to the ground. The fall was so far and so hard that he died.”)
- Allow your child to express raw feelings freely or ask questions.
- Answer questions honestly and simply. Do not go into detail, unless asked. Offer only as much detailed information as is requested.
- If the death was due to a violent crime, explain how the child will remain safe.
- If the body is suitable for viewing, allow the child to see your deceased loved one, if requested. Prepare the child for what he or she will see.
- Tell your child what will be happening in the next few days.
- Give your child choices in what to do. Some children want to go to school the day of the death. Familiar routines are comforting. Inform the school of the death before your child returns.
- Reassure your child that he or she will be cared for and explain the plan.
When you are bereaved...
- be gentle with yourself
- spend time with trusted friends and family that can listen
- give yourself time
- maintain a reasonable routine
- be aware of your body's needs for nutrition and rest
- creative expression (writing, drawing, music, etc.) can help when words do not
- know that the waves of grief can arrive unexpectedly
- people may be nervous or unsure of how to be around you; do not try to please them, you need to focus on yourself
When children grieve...
- it will look different than it does for adults
- they need to hear the truth about death; euphemisms make it more confusing
- it's ok to not have all the answers; let them ask the questions
- listen to their thoughts and feelings without making judgments or corrections
- assure them that any feeling they have is normal
- they need to take breaks from the strong emotions; do not be surprised if they appear to return to "normal" playful games and activities
- major changes in behavior, or acting out, can be a sign that your child needs help processing the emotions
Signs that more help is needed...
- You are always irritable, agitated, or annoyed
- An ongoing sense of numbness and desire to isolate from others
- Preoccupation with the details of the death
- Increase in harmful habits (alcohol consumption, reckless driving, taking more than the recommended dose of medication, taking non-prescribed prescription medications)
- Suicide ideation
- An overwhelming feeling of being stuck in your grief
Way to provide support to a grieving loved one...
- Be present
- Listen
- Accept what they say without judgment
- Talk about the person who died
- Offer specific help
- Be patient
- Give space and time
Activities for children and young people...
- Memorialization rituals and activities
- Memory boxes, candles, art work
- Terracotta painting and reconstruction
- Family drawings
- Tear catchers
- Guided poetry, story telling, anagrams
- Guided meditations
- Feelings exploration tools (Kimochis, word games, anger processing activities)
- Coping tool box
- Message in a bottle, letter writing activities
- Journaling
- Support mapping
- Activity workbooks (When Someone Very Special Dies, How I Feel, When Something Terrible Happens, and The Grief Bubble
- Bibliotherapy based on age (The Invisible String, Tear Soup, Lifetimes, The Elephant in the Room)
Recommended Resources